When motivating yourself doesn’t work…

“This is my fight song.”

There is no doubt that “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten has become an anthem for large numbers of people since its release. People who find inspiration in the lyrics are people fighting many different battles, for themselves or others. I recently saw a video of a mother who used the song in her video to support the research of childhood cancer because she had lost her young son to this disease.

“Take back my life song.”

Each person who hears this song and feels empowered by these words may have a story to tell. Some of these people may be at the end of their fight, whatever it was, they have come out of the fight a new person and completely in control of their life. I wish I could say the same of my battle. So many aspects of my life are controlled by my ability to work hard and do what needs to be done. As they say, I wear many hats at my school. I am responsible for a whole variety of different elements of making my school as good as it is. From chairing different committees and being the coordinator/advisor/administrator of other groups and tasks and anything else that needs to be done, I can do it all. I like to think that I can do it because I don’t have children yet and spare time and energy is more abundant now than I am sure it would be when I become a mother. But while I feel totally in control of what I do at work, I feel completely out of control when it comes to my health.

I have posted before about my ability to carry and deliver children in good health depends on my losing weight. I have the most important reason in the world to motivate me, yet, I have not been successful. It is a daily battle. Each day is another chance to eat what I know is good for me, drink as much water as I can, and get on the damn elliptical at the end of the day. Yet, I feel close to tears every evening when I get into bed and I know that I didn’t succeed in my daily goals. When I hear “take back my life song”, I am singing loud to myself to remind me that this is what I need to do. I need to take my life back from this powerful grip that laziness has over me.

“Prove I’m alright song.”

Now, I’ll be perfectly honest. I have been singing this line wrong every single time. I just now googled the lyrics to make sure I was typing them correctly and I shook my head at this line. I have always thought it was “Prove them all right song”. It sounds about the same as the correct lyric, which clears up my initial confusion over why anybody would want to prove people right. Don’t most people want to prove people wrong? Those people who say you can’t do it, thus motivating you to prove that you CAN? But then I thought, what about everybody who has always told me that I CAN do it? I CAN lose weight. I need to prove them right. I CAN do it.

For whatever reason, I have not been able to motivate myself beyond just knowing what I need to do, but actually getting up and doing it. So, I’ve finally decided what direction to take my blog, at least for a little while. I have come across so many people, videos, quotes, etc. that have made an impact on me and given my hope that I too can be successful at my goal of losing enough weight to hopefully eradicate my diabetes, high blood pressure, and polycystic ovary syndrome that are all working against me in my quest to become a mother. I’m going to document all of these sources of inspiration on a weekly basis so that I’ll never forget.

This is the beginning of my journey. What exercise I failed to do over the summer doesn’t matter anymore. It’s too late tonight, but day 1 starts tomorrow.

A note about my featured image…I wanted to find a graphic representing the number 230 which is the number around which my weight has consistently hovered. But I didn’t find a pre-made image online that I liked or could download and use easily, so I took my own. This is my belly–where a significant portion of those 230 pounds center. I don’t want to have a flat stomach, it would be nice, but it’s not necessary. As Queen Latifah said in a Jennie Craig commercial at one time, “I want to be a size healthy”.

4 thoughts on “When motivating yourself doesn’t work…

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