Each time that I have stepped on the scale in the past two weeks, I have been dismayed. A time or two, the numbers have gone up, other times, they have stayed the same. I replaced the batteries in my scale out of paranoia that I had gained back the weight I had lost as my scale seemed to indicate. It is true, that perhaps I am building muscle in my legs. I have completed week 4 of the Couch to 5K routine as of yesterday. In fact, I garnered another kudo from a man letting his dog out in his front yard as I trodded by. He smiled and asked how I was doing. I smiled back and mumbled something about being fine. He then said, “You’re doing a good job”. Creepy seeming or not, that compliment made me feel good. Add it to the bank of other compliments and thumbs up I have gotten from total strangers as I have made my way through the neighborhood near the apartment complex we live in.
Exercise doesn’t seem to be the issue. Today, I spent 45 minutes on the elliptical, as a way of still pushing forward with my excercise, but not burning out on the running. After all, the Couch to 5K plan is only supposed to be for three days a week. I think where I have gotten off track is the food that I eat. I declared war on carbs at the very beginning of my fitness journey. I swore off fast food and soda, and while I still haven’t started drinking soda again, I have on a very rare occasion, eaten a quick breakfast from Burger King on the way to work. I haven’t been as diligent about eating smaller portions when I cook dinner. There are a variety of things that I have noticed about my eating that I know I need to improve. Knowing that the weight isn’t coming off as fast or as easily as it did at the beginning, is a wake up call for me.
The nagging disappointment that I feel vanished tonight as I was preparing dinner. I typically listen to music while I’m in the kitchen and the song that came on that gave me pause, was courtesy of an old 90s country song by Tim McGraw. “Don’t Take the Girl” is such a good song and even though I don’t listen to country music now, I do have my favorite songs from the country phase I went through for a brief time in high school. The basic premise of the song is that a young boy begs his dad to not take the little girl in the neighborhood fishing with them. Ten years later, the same young man begs a criminal to take anything but his girlfriend (the same girl from his boyhood). Five years later, again, the man is begging for the girl not to be taken. This time, the girl is in danger of dying after giving birth to their child and the man is begging God to not take her. The song reminded me of why I’m even on this fitness journey. I’m not too concerned about being skinny for the summer when it eventually comes again. Though it would be nice to have more shapely thighs when my husband and I go to the beach. My true reason for wanting the weight to come off is to bring children into this world. I’ve mentioned it before in other posts, and for some reason, I have almost lost sight of why I’m doing this. It is true that I am very eager to run that 5K in March. I love to run, but that’s just the avenue I have decided to take to reach my bigger goal, motherhood.
The song tonight that came up on my playlist popped up at the right time. I needed the reminder that I don’t want to be the girl in the song whose life is in danger after she gives birth. It has been in the back of my mind for a long time. If I don’t do something about my health, my pregnancy could put my life at risk. My short-term goal is to lose 15 pounds by my next physical, which comes up about a month from now. So, with that said, I need to put my game face back on and get serious again. Try to recapture that vigor I had at the beginning and resist the temptation to slip back into old eating habits. This month and a half of my journey will NOT be for nothing.