The universe is trying to get my attention today. On the ride to work this morning, the radio station I listen to played “Fight Song”. On the ride home from work this afternoon, the same radio station played “Fight Song” again. Both times that I heard the song I was shoveling fast food into my mouth. I don’t have a good reason for why I was doing this. I have found that in the past month, fast food has become a part of my life once again, my clothes are getting tighter, and laziness has crept back in. I’m not happy about any of this by any means. In fact, each night that I lay in bed, I feel passionate about the next day and how I’m going to get back on track tomorrow. However, tomorrow has yet to turn out the way I intend it to the night before.
The weather has turned warmer and the thought of running in the afternoon heat does not appeal to me. There are alternatives to this though. With the days becoming longer, I don’t have to run as soon as I get home for fear of being caught in the dark, I can wait for the sun to begin to set when the temperatures aren’t as high. For every excuse that I have, there is a way to get past it.
In December, when I began this journey, there was a spark…a click…something that pushed me forward toward my goal of running a 5K. I don’t have another 5K lined up, and when I think about my ultimate goal (of being healthy enough to have children), it seems too far off to be reachable. Where is that spark again? I think the answer to that question is that it may be a while before it comes back, or it may not come back at all. But in the meantime, I think I’m just going to have to fake it until I feel it again. I’ve decided that I need to set a goal for myself that is short term, something that is attainable. Weight loss is my ultimate goal…has been all this time. Losing 20 pounds by July 1st is something I can do. I just have to do it.
So tomorrow, I begin again. I will get up a little earlier than usual in order to spend time on the elliptical. I will pack my lunch for the day. I will drink water throughout the day. Depending on how I feel, I may even get on the elliptical again when I get home. I am determined. I will not go to sleep tomorrow night wishing I had done better during the day with regard to my health. I will persevere again. I’ve done it before, I will do it again.