My words have become meaningless. My health has become questionable. And yet, I continue to tell my husband, “I know I keep saying this, but I really need to start running again”. Even as my blood pressure and weight continue to increase, I continue to make repeated stops at fast food restaurants that do not serve my best interest.
There was a day recently that I discovered I could motivate myself to ‘get back out there’ if I listened to the playlist of songs I listened to when I would run. That day, I actually put on my running gear and left my apartment and began walking up the road to the neighborhood that I always ran in. Naively I thought that I would just start the Couch 2 5K program again and all would be well. I ignored the fact that the last time I was successful with the program, I had completed about 3 weeks of getting on my elliptical for 30 minutes every day. I didn’t even make it to the neighborhood that day. The familiar feel of my ankles and shins tightening up began early on in my walk. Usually I could just continue to walk and the tightening would ease, not this time. The pain spread and intensified throughout my legs. I had to turn around and admit defeat for the day, complete with a limping walk of shame back home. Shame might be too strong of a word, but it did make me realize that I truly will have to start over.
That day, though recent enough to even be called recent, was still at least 2 weeks ago. I didn’t try again, I didn’t get on the elliptical, I just didn’t…I continued in the same manner of laziness that I had accustomed myself into.
I don’t want to try and explain my laziness. I don’t want to try and analyze why I don’t “just do it” when I know that eating better and exercising makes me feel good. The discomfort I feel in my stomach when I eat junk will go away! Exercise improves my mood! My clothes becoming looser is empowering! These words are not meaningless. They are the words that I should be telling myself every morning when I make a conscious decision to skip breakfast at home, or pick up a biscuit on the way to work because it would be quicker and easier. They are the words that I should be reminded of when I come home in the afternoon and sit on the couch, having already decided that I would rather grade papers or surf the web instead of getting on the elliptical.
Words have power, and when I told my husband tonight that he and I should go walking on the local river trail after church tomorrow, I think I will mean it.